


so tired of love songs, tired of love

by t_hens



Series: wlw dnp [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, F/F, Genderswap, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 15:57:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17963603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_hens/pseuds/t_hens
Summary: Dan is heartbroken after a bad break and has no interest in meeting anyone new.until she meets Phil.





	so tired of love songs, tired of love

**Author's Note:**

> loosely based off of Lauv and Troye's song [i'm so tired](https://open.spotify.com/track/7COXchtUOMd6uIT6HvmRaI)
> 
> beta by [fourthingsandawizard](http://fourthingsandawizard.tumblr.com)

That stupid song was playing again. It had been every twenty minutes or so, pounding loudly throughout the stupid party where Dan had found herself. A month ago she would have loved hearing it so often. But then again, a month ago she had a reason to love hearing it. 

One whole month. That’s how long it had taken Dan to muster enough energy and desire to want to actually get out of the house for the first time in entirely too long. The persistent texts from her friends had been piling up, reminding her that her self-care was not the only thing she was neglecting these days. It was hard though; breakups sucked, especially when they were with someone who said they loved you and wanted to spend their lives with you. Yeah, it definitely sucked.

Instead of complaining about the song, or leaving like she really, really wanted to, Dan just threw back the rest of her drink and stood up to get another. Her friends called after her, yelling for her to get them drinks, too, but she just flipped them off and gave a bark of laughter. She really was a dick sometimes. 

There weren’t many people in the kitchen where the booze had been stationed, just a few guys playing beer pong and milling around. Dan headed straight for the flimsy red cups and started pouring herself some more Malibu. 

“Can I make you a drink, sweetheart?” a drunk voice slurred behind her. 

She turned and faced the person who the voice belonged to. If they were in America, Dan thought he might be called a frat boy: he wasn’t that attractive, but he gave off the air of thinking he was the hottest guy in the place.

“Uh. No, I’m good,” she said, holding up her cup.

She turned back around to fiddle with the bottles on the counter, hoping he would get the hint, but the man moved closer, leaning into her space.

“C’mon, baby. Just one drink.”

“I’m really fine, I promise.”

He started to say something else, his hand approaching her wrist, when a body moved between them, forcing the man to move back.

“Hey, baby. Did you make our drinks yet?”

Dan stared at the girl next to her, and gave her a relieved smile.

“Uh, no, babe,” she raised her eyebrows to the girl, who just smiled back. “I was working on them. I wasn’t sure what you wanted?” 

The man sneered at them and turned back towards the living room. He murmured something under his breath, surely nothing kind, and left. Normally Dan would say something, tell him not to be a homophobic piece of shit, but she didn’t have it in her tonight. It felt like the little spark that was usually in her was dimmed beyond repair.

She glanced at her unlikely hero, still standing there and apparently waiting to make a drink, too.

“Thank you for that,” Dan said quietly, giving her a small smile.

She waved her hand nonchalantly. “No problem. Guys like that are the worst.”

“Yeah.” Dan wanted to say more, but she was unsure if it would be appropriate to try and make conversation with someone who had literally just kept her from being hit on.

Dan realized she hadn’t said or done anything in about five seconds, instead just standing there staring at the stranger, and she shook her head to clear her thoughts.

“Sorry,” she said, “I’ll get out of your way.”

“Oh, please, Ms. Bartender, will you make me a drink, too?”

Dan chuckled a little and nodded.

“What are you drinking?”

“Malibu and Coke, please,” she answered, giving Dan a wide smile and making her breath catch a little.

Dan tried to focus on making a decent drink, not wanting this kind stranger to be subjected to her heavy hand, and turned slightly, trying to subtly get a good look at the girl. She was pretty, but not in what was probably considered a conventional way. She was tall and a bit gangly, and the way her fingers twitched against the counter made Dan think that she probably rarely held still. Her nose was a bit big, and slightly hooked, but it looked nice, Dan thought. The black of her hair seemed a bit unnatural, especially considering how ginger her eyebrows looked, and Dan was suddenly bursting to ask if it was dyed.

“Thank you,” she said when Dan handed her the drink, taking a liberal sip.

Dan wasn’t sure what to do in response, so she took her own drink, almost coughing at how strong she had made it.

“I’m Phil,” the girl said, extending her free hand out to Dan.

Dan shook it, giving her a shy smile. “I’m Dan.”

Her hands were like silk in Dan’s calloused hand, and before she could stop herself, she was blurting out, “Holy shit your hands are soft.”

Phil giggled, giving Dan’s a little squeeze. “I moisturize everyday.”

“I can tell.”

God. Dan needed a muzzle sometimes. What was it about this stupidly pretty girl that was making Dan act like this was her first sip of alcohol and she had just seen a girl for the first time?

Phil didn’t say anything in response, just simply tugged on their attached hands and led Dan back into the living room where she flopped onto the loveseat, pulling Dan down to sit next to her. It was crowded, and people on both sides of them were getting fairly handsy with each other, but Dan didn’t care. She remembered when she was one of those couples, so far be it from her to get judgy about other people’s PDA.

“Do you go to uni at York, too?” Phil asked, bring Dan’s attention back to her.

“Oh, uh, no. I’m up touring unis with a few of my mates and they dragged me out here. I live in Wokingham.”

Phil nodded “So, what do you think about it?”

“I dunno. Lots of geese.”

She laughed out loud, her head thumping back against the couch and her whole body shaking with laughter.

“Sorry,” she said, wiping her eyes, “that’s just the most accurate way you could have described it. I think I’m developing anatidaephobia.”

“Fear of geese?”

Phil looked a little surprised that Dan knew the actual term, but nodded, still laughing.

“I had to Google what the word for goose phobia was when I started here. Google says it isn’t a real thing, but apparently they’ve never been to York during mating season.”

It was Dan’s turn to laugh, a boisterous noise leaving her before she could help it. Phil’s eyes got little crinkles in the corners when she smiled, Dan couldn’t help but notice, and her eyes were really blue. Tiny little flickers of other colors made them even prettier. Dan could feel herself start to blush, and took a long pull from her drink. The last thing she needed was to fall head over heels for a pretty girl just because she was nice to her. That usually just ended in Dan’s heart getting broken.

That stupid fucking song started played again. Someone must have made a playlist and stuck it on there a thousand times. Probably just to annoy Dan. She made an annoyed noise and Phil gave her a confused look, likely assuming Dan was making it at her.

“Oh, sorry. I just hate this song.” She took another drink of her quickly diminishing drink and hoped Phil wouldn’t ask why.

“Ugh. Me, too. I think it’s really overrated.”

Dan felt defensive for about half a second, almost wanting to tell Phil off for not appreciating such a good song, but stopped herself. If she really listened to the song, she found she didn’t _really_ like it. Sam had always liked it, and that was why it became their song. Maybe that should have been a red flag. What kind of relationship is it if one person is making all the decisions and the other is just along for the ride?

“It reminds me of someone,” Dan said quietly. Apparently her brain had not gotten the memo that she didn’t want to talk about.

“An ex?” Phil asked. 

Dan looked at her for a second before replying. Phil didn’t look like she was asking to dig for gossip. She looked like someone who understood how shitty Dan was probably feeling, and Dan found herself nodding.

“Yeah. It’s dumb, I should be over it by now.”

“Do you mind if I ask how long it’s been?”

They had turned toward each other at some point, maybe in an effort to put some distance between themselves and the lascivious couples next to them. It was easy for Dan to look at her over the rim of Phil’s cup and make eye contact. There was something about those big blue eyes that made Dan feel like she could spill all her guts to this stranger.

“It’ll be a month on Sunday.”

“That’s not that long,” she reassured. “I’m pretty sure the last time I went through a breakup, it took me a month just to leave my bed.”

“Yeah, it’s been rough. Shit sucks.”

“But you came out tonight! That’s something!”

Dan couldn’t help smiling; there was something so infectious about Phil’s smile. Maybe it was those eye crinkles, or the way she stuck her tongue out a little when her smile got too wide. Even the way her teeth were a bit crooked didn’t take away from how cute it was.

Cute. _Fuck_ , Dan thought. Having a crush on someone she didn’t even know was not gonna do her any favors.

“I think I’m gonna go get a refill,” she said, holding up her nearly empty cup. 

“Oh. Okay.”

Phil looked a bit sad maybe, but Dan ignored it and stood up, although her body protested, not wanting to leave the warm and comfy couch. Especially not wanting to leave the way that Phil’s thigh had been pressed tightly against her own the whole time they had been sat there.

Dan made a beeline to the kitchen, pouring herself another strong drink and nearly drank it all down in three gulps. She wanted to try and drink away that bit of sadness still lingering in her heart, but also the warmth that had grown there since she had started talking to Phil. 

Instead of going back to the couch, Dan took a door that ended up leading to a laundry room and sat on the cold linoleum, slopping her drink a little when she moved too quickly. She pulled her phone out and clicked on the photo icon and a flood of bittersweet memories filled her screen. Her with Sam at Reading Festival last year, both their hair wild and a bit dirty, their clothes stained from the drinks and mud that had been in abundance that year. 

Photos of Sam’s birthday and the cake that Dan had attempted to bake that turned out to be a disaster of flour and icing. Sam had pretended to love it, though, cooing about how thoughtful and sweet Dan was while they choked down the almost inedible dessert.

Christmas, birthdays, mini holidays when they could get away from their parents and spend some time together. Pictures with friends, some of whom Dan didn’t even talk to anymore because they had taken Sam’s side when Dan’s heart was ripped out of her chest.

She locked her phone and let her head fall back on to the washer. She should have known better than to look at the photos. They never did anything other than make her feel sad and bitter that she had spent two years with someone who had no qualms about ending it and breaking her heart. 

The door to the room opened and Phil stood there, looking surprised to find Dan sitting in the dim room by herself.

“Uh. Hi,” Dan said, feeling her cheeks flush with embarrassment.

“Hi,” Phil chuckled. She moved around Dan and took a stack of cups off of the shelf before moving back to the door.

“You okay?” she asked.

Dan just shrugged. She didn’t really know if she was or not.

“Well, if you need to talk, I’d be happy to listen.”

Her smile was warm and genuine, and Dan thought about following her out and sitting back on the couch with her and smelling more of that fruity perfume she was wearing, but she just gave a bit of a forced smile and said thank you. Phil gave her a nod of acknowledgment and shut the door behind her.

Dan drew her legs to her chest and rested her head against her knees.

She was being a bit stupid, she knew she was. If she really thought about it, she hadn't even been that happy with Sam. There were more moments of tenseness and arguments then there was actual happiness. That was the problem with pictures, she thought: they only showed the happy moments, and it was easy for her to forget that things hadn’t been good between them. Sam was selfish and a bit mean sometimes, and Dan knew deep down that she really was better off, but it still sucked. And the idea of putting herself out there, even just a little, was terrifying. What if Phil was worse than Sam was? What if Phil hurt her? 

_What if she doesn’t, though?_ her brain supplied.

She was stopped short by that thought. The buzz the rum was providing was enough to fuel her into action. Though she was a bit wobbly, she managed to get up off the floor and open the door to try and find Phil.

The first place she looked was the kitchen because it was closest, and because she kind of did need another drink if she was gonna do this. 

Phil wasn’t by the drinks or playing beer pong with the group of people that had gathered at the table, so Dan left to scour the living room. She didn’t find Phil, but she did find her friends, who all yelled excitedly when she came into view.

“Dan! Where the fuck have you been?” Amelia slurred. Her eyes looked heavy and the stains on the front of her shirt gave a pretty good indication that she was hammered.

“Just walking around,” Dan said lamely, not wanting to admit she’d been hiding in the laundry room like some sort of loser. She excused herself to go look upstairs, hoping beyond hope that she wouldn’t find Phil upstairs with someone else.

Upstairs was clear of Phil, though Dan got more than a few eyes full of things she wished she could remove from her brain forever. She walked back downstairs slowly, feeling a bit defeated. Finding her friends again, she told them she was gonna head back to their room, not feeling like socializing anymore.

It was quiet outside, a nice reprieve from the shitty music blaring inside. Dan tucked her hands in the pockets of her hoodie and started walking in the direction of the hotel she and her friends were staying at. It was close, at least, that was something. The quiet gave her too much time to think, something she usually avoided if she could. Being left to her thoughts usually just brought her right back to being sad about things she couldn’t change. Like being broken up with, and finding someone she thought she might like, but then balls’ing it up because she was a coward.

As she was walking past a shabby, all night coffee shop that had adverts on the windows talking about their ‘new and improved pastries,’ her stomach gave a loud gurgle, as though it could sense she was near food. She stopped in front of it, wondering if she was pathetic enough to go inside and eat by herself, but as her stomach growled again and she thought of the barren vending machines at the hotel, she decided she was. 

The door was heavy and Dan was afraid it was locked at first, despite its signs that said ‘open 24 hrs,’ but she pulled a little harder and it gave, making a warm burst of air hit her. It was nice, she hadn’t been aware of how cold it had been outside, and she rubbed her hands together to gain back some warmth. 

It was pretty deserted, save for the random person tucked in the corner on the couch. Dan avoided eye contact with them, not in much of a mood to interact with anyone, and moved to the counter. She ordered a pastry and a tea from the grumpy barista and stood next to the counter, fiddling with the straw she had gotten from the supply next to her. 

The barista gave her the tea and sad looking pastry and she turned to look for a seat. She _wanted_ to sit on the couch but it was taken, so she settled for the armchair that was a safe enough distance that it probably wouldn’t bother the other person.

Dan took a sip from her tea, and felt her mouth instantly start to burn.

“Fuck,” she nearly shouted as the scalding tea dribbled down her chin. It was loud enough to grab the attention of the other patron and Dan nearly choked when she saw who it was.

Phil. 

Dan almost swore again, not knowing if she felt happy to see her again, or just embarrassed. She’d already been found looking like a sad loser once tonight, the last thing she wanted was for Phil to see her with tea running down her face and on to her hoodie.

“Hi.” Phil looked surprised to see her, but happy-surprised, Dan thought.

“Hi,” Dan replied, mopping off her chin and hoodie.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Phil smiled at Dan, making that fuzzy feeling she had at the party return. Maybe it hadn’t been the Malibu that had made Dan feel that.

“Yeah…” Dan trailed off awkwardly, suddenly feeling a bit tongue-tied. “The party was kinda boring.”

“I thought so, too. Wasn’t much fun after you left the couch.”

Dan felt her heart start to race a bit. A smile came to her face before she had a chance to school her features, ducking her head to hide how pink her cheeks were becoming.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I got a bit overwhelmed.”

“That’s okay,” she said gently. “Happens to all of us.”

Dan looked up and stared for a beat, and then made a decision she didn’t know she was considering and stood up to sit closer. She sat down on the couch, but far enough away from Phil that Dan hoped she didn’t feel uncomfortable.

“I left ‘cause I couldn’t find you to talk to you.”

It felt like a bit too much to say to this virtual stranger, but as soon as Dan said it, she was happy she did. The answering smile Phil gave her made her feel like she was looking directly at the sun. 

“I was afraid I came on too strong,” she said quietly, as if she was nervous to admit it.

Dan shook her head so hard her hair started flying about, making her try and press it back to her head to calm the curly mess.

“You didn’t. Well, maybe a little bit.” Phil’s face fell a little, and Dan scrambled to correct herself. “No, no, no! It wasn’t like, a bad thing. I’m just overwhelmed kind of in general right now. Talking to you was really great. Just overwhelming.”

“So, a good overwhelming?” She sounded hopeful and it made butterflies burst in Dan’s tummy.

“Definitely.”

They sat grinning at each other before both tucking their heads into their chests. It was a touch awkward, but Dan was determined to follow things through. At least that way she wouldn’t look back on the night and regret it.

“Would you like to go for a walk?”

She was taking a chance, and though she was happy she was, a spike of anxiety went through her until Phil nodded and stood to follow her out. Dan wrapped her pastry in her napkin and stuffed it into her hoodie pouch, hunger temporarily forgotten.

Phil lead the way once they were outside, since Dan didn’t actually have much idea where they were.

“So, Wokingham? What’s that like?” Phil’s breath was visible, coming out of her mouth in short puffs as she spoke. 

Dan waved her hand dismissively. “It blows. It’s boring as fuck, and the people suck.” 

“Have you always lived there?”

Dan nodded. “Hopefully not forever, though. What about you? Have you always lived in York?”

Phil shook her head, “I’m from Rawtenstall. Near Manchester.”

“Manchester has the wheel right?”

“Yeah,” Phil replied, grinning. “It was my favorite when I was little. I would always beg my parents to let me go on it by myself.”

“Wouldn’t that be scary?” 

Phil shook her head. “I loved it! The view was so pretty and I liked to pretend I was a grown up living by myself in Manchester. I couldn’t wait to grow up, but now I kind of feel like I’m still a kid. I think I’m afraid to be an adult.”

“Yeah…” Dan understood that all too well.

“Are you gonna start uni right away? Or are you taking a gap year?”

“A gap year,” Dan said a bit sadly. 

All the plans she had for her gap year all of a sudden felt foolish and silly. Plans with Sam that she had to try and rearrange or cancel now. Plans with people who weren’t even her friends anymore. She felt her face start to fall and tried to rearrange her features a bit to hide it, but Phil was observant and caught on.

“Are you nervous about taking a gap year?” She must have misinterpreted Dan’s facial expression, and Dan thought for a second about lying, but didn’t figure that would get her anywhere good.

“No. I just made a bunch of plans with this person I was dating, and now I have to cancel them all.”

“Shit. That sucks, I’m sorry. Breakups suck.”

Dan agreed, but didn’t say much more, not ready to talk about it just yet.

They walked by a deserted park and Dan felt that impulsive urge deep inside her; she grabbed Phil’s hand and started running towards the swings. Phil followed, laughing loudly and holding tight to Dan’s hand. It felt nice. She missed having someone to give her affection to.

They parted to sit on the swings, and Dan felt a small pang at having to let Phil’s hand go. Dan pushed off the ground with all her might, kicking her legs as quick as she could to help increase her speed. She pumped and pumped her legs, letting out a shriek when she realized how high she had gotten. She dragged her feet to slow down, and by the time she had nearly stopped, Phil was doubled over laughing, almost in tears.

“What’s so funny?” Dan asked, feeling a bit defensive. 

“The look on your face was so cute! You looked like you thought you were gonna fly for a second.”

The word ‘cute’ bounced around Dan’s brain for a few seconds before she realized she hadn’t replied.

“I thought I was going to,” she chuckled. “I got real scared there for a second.”

“I could tell. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe.”

Phil reached out for Dan’s hand and she didn’t even hesitate before taking it. She was reminded how soft it was in her own, and rubbed her fingers against the back. Phil stared at their hands before looking up at Dan and holding her gaze.

God, her eyes were pretty. Dan was sure that if the moon was a person, they would surely be jealous of how bright Phil’s eyes shined. She found herself getting a little lost in them, and before she knew, it they were both leaning forward and their lips met.

Phil’s lips were cold and a bit dry, though Dan was sure hers were no better, but as they leaned closer and Phil’s parted, Dan felt a literal shock run through her. Phil felt it to, leaning back and touching her lips.

“You shocked me,” she laughed, fingers still pressed against them.

“I guess you could say we have a spark.”

Phil laughed so hard she almost fell off her swing. 

“Too cheesy?” Dan asked, unable to help the smile growing on her face.

“A little bit. But cheesy’s good, right?”

“Right.” 

Dan could use some cheesy in her life.

**Author's Note:**

> like/reblog on [tumblr](http://tobieallison.tumblr.com/post/183145323831/so-tired-of-love-songs-tired-of-love) if you like :)


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